|
Coping
with Others
Are you having difficulty with
someone in your life? Do you seem to keep having one argument after
another? Do you find yourself having too many disagreements
lately? This article just might help. The principles
prescribed in the DACA Method have proven
effective time after time. Check it out. It may make a difference in the
rest of your life.
Not Just Another
Formula
Formulas in dealing with
people seldom work. We are all individuals. We have good days and bad
days. People in our family or office have good days and bad days. You have
opinions and others have different opinions. There are so many variables
in circumstances and personalities that no formula will be applicable to
every situation and relationship. Order
this album
However; since application of the
DACA Method has proven extremely helpful for
so many of our clients over the years, we are eager to share it with you.
Try it with your spouse, your children, your boss, your friends, and even
your enemies. You will be amazed. It is the nearest thing to a
"formula" we have ever endorsed. This method is based on the
teaching of Jesus Christ.
When you are
"under attack"
When you are attacked, what is your response? Are you
defensive? Of course! That is our natural reaction. We instinctively
defend ourselves when someone attacks us, but what did Jesus say we were
to do? "Turn the other cheek." OK, but what
does that mean? How can we turn the other cheek and not become a
floor mat for people to wipe their feet on?
When you
"attack"
You "lose it" when things don't go as you think they should. You
"fly off the handle" and say whatever is on your mind. Perhaps
later you reconsider and regret what you've said. How do you recover from
exploding? The next day or the next encounter, do you just act as if
nothing happened? Do you just push it "under the rug" and
go on with out making a "big deal" of it? "Sweeping things
under the rug" makes a large bump that will eventually "trip you
up" in that relationship.
DACA is the
answer
Learning the DACA Method of dealing with
people is a key to responding to them when you feel they are attacking
you. Whether they are correct in their assessment, but vicious in
their presentation; or whether they are absolutely wrong in both their
conclusions and their presentation; either way, having DACA
in your mind will make a profound difference.
D = DON’T
DEFEND
What ever you do, don’t defend yourself. If there ever was a
person on earth that had the right to defend Himself, it was Jesus Christ,
and He didn’t. He was attacked over and over as He did many
miracles, when He stood trial, and even while He was on the cross.
He never defended Himself even though the attacks against Him were vicious
and undeserved.
One of our clients was under
attack by the media, accusing him falsely. They made him the lead story of
the 6:00 news for several weeks. Their coverage was threatening his
reputation and his practice in his city. He prepared to go to the
television station and submit to an interview with the reporter doing the
expose’.
His attorney advised him to call
the station before going and ask for an unedited copy of the interview.
His attorney told him that the media could edit the interview in such a
way as to make it very incriminating no matter what he said. So he asked
the station if they would promise him an unedited copy if he granted them
the interview. They refused. His attorney advised him not to
go. He heeded the advice.
Later he spoke of how draining
the attack on him was and how angry it made him. He said when he spent
time in prayer; it seemed Father was impressing on his mind a comparison
to what Jesus endured. "Hadn't Jesus been attacked falsely?"
"Didn't Jesus have a right to defend Himself?" "So,
did He?"
Isaiah 50:6
"I gave My back to those who strike Me, And My cheeks to those who
pluck out the beard; I did not cover My face from humiliation and
spitting."
Our client, who had been badly
shaken, found new resolve to leave the matter to Father and follow Jesus’
example. He thought, "If Jesus didn’t defend Himself and He
was sinless, who do I think I am?"
Scriptural
Admonitions
The Scriptures tell us plainly what our attitude should be. Proverbs
20:22, "Do not say, ‘I will repay evil’; Wait for the LORD,
and He will save you." Proverbs 24:29 "Do not say, ‘Thus
I shall do to him as he has done to me; I will render to the man according
to his work.’" Romans 12:17, "Never pay back evil for
evil to anyone." Matthew 5:39 ""But I say to you, do
not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn
the other to him also." 1Thessalonians 5:15 "See that no
one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is
good for one another and for all people." 1Peter 3:8-9 "To
sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and
humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but
giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that
you might inherit a blessing."
A = DON’T
ATTACK
With the statements above, there is little need to show how improper it
would be to attack. The Scriptures are clear on the matter. Romans
12:19 "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for
the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL
REPAY," says the Lord." 1Corinthians 6:7 "Actually,
then, it is already a defeat for you, that you have lawsuits with one
another. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be defrauded?" Matthew
5:43-45 "You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your
neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, LOVE YOUR ENEMIES and pray
for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is
in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and
sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."
C = CONFESS
The Scriptures also admonish us in this. James 5:16 "…
confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you
may be healed." Who is it that is without sin? Who is so
perfect in anything that there is no need for forgiveness? In any
conceivable circumstance there is room for improvement and thus, need for
confession of imperfection.
A = ASK FOR HELP
The person to whom you confess is then called upon to join you in your
quest for improvement. Since that person is the one who pointed out
the imperfection in one way or the other, that person is the perfect coach
to assist you in achieving a higher performance rating.
Real Life Example
of how to apply DACA
One of our clients complained he was verbally attacked by his wife when he
arrived home late for dinner. "The dinner is in the trash. It is
ruined. Why weren’t you home when you were supposed to be? You've really upset me."
The husband explained that he had to work late.
Immediately she accused him of being unfaithful to her with
another woman. "Why didn’t you call if you had to work late?",
she demanded. He shouted, "I wasn’t near a phone; I couldn’t call
you! I was trying to make extra money so we can get some of these bills paid. Why can’t
you appreciate my working so hard instead of attacking me like this?"
His counselor asked, "Did
you defend yourself?" "Of course," he replied, "I didn’t
do anything wrong." The counselor asked, "Did you attack her
verbally." He admitted that he did call her a couple of
not-so-flattering names.
His counselor began suggesting
the DACA Method of dealing with her. Don’t Defend. Don’t
Attack. Confess and
Ask for help. His immediate response was, "Confess?
Confess what? I'm not guilty!" The counselor asked him to rethink
what he said.
"If you aren't guilty of
anything, why do you have an unhappy wife who is attacking you? Is it
possible there is something you could be doing wrong or something you
are not doing that you could? "Think about it," the counselor
suggested.
The counselor suggested they
role-play. "You be your wife and I'll be you." The counselor
speaking as he would speak to his wife said, "My darling wife, I've been wrong. I am so sorry. No, I am not fooling around on you, but I'm
certainly doing something wrong for you to doubt my love for you. Please
forgive me. For you not to know how precious you are to me is my
fault."
"May I not only ask your
forgiveness, but let me ask your help. Any time you begin to feel that I
am ignoring you or slighting you in any way, will you please come up to me
and gently and kindly, in your most loving voice, say to me, "Honey,
do you love me?" My darling, this will just melt my heart with shame
and I will go to any length to demonstrate my love for you and it will
call my neglect of you to mind in such a tender way that I will
immediately show my affection for you."
When the counselor finished his
"confessing and asking," the husband just sat there thinking and
then he spoke up, "I can do that." "I can do that."
"Yes, I CAN do that." He left the counselor’s office repeating
that over and over.
The counselor eagerly awaited the
next session the following week. When the husband came in, he had the
biggest smile on his face. "Well," the counselor asked,
"how did it go?" "GREAT! I can’t believe how great."
Then the husband proceeded to tell how when he arrived home from his last
session, he sat with his wife and told her the things that the counselor
suggested. "I didn’t do it as well as you did with me," he
said, "but, you can’t imagine how well received it was by my wife.
She wept. I wept. We embraced and wept together. Sir, that was the most
wonderful night of our marriage. We had the most passionate night of love
and the joy has lasted all week. She is so kind to me and so respectful that I
simply can’t help expressing my love for her over and over again. We are
in heaven."
Another Real Life Example
One lady told her counselor that
her manager at work was very antagonistic toward her everyday. It appeared
that one reason was because they were of different ethnic groups; the
woman seemed to have a chip on her shoulder. The manager would always bring her an arm load of files to be filed that day, waiting
until nearly 5:00 to do it, knowing it would mean her subordinate would have
to work after hours.
Her counselor suggested DACA.
"How can that work in this situation? She is my superior and she
doesn’t like me," the lady protested. He told her it might be advisable
to confess that she was not nearly as fast at filing as she needed to be and to ask for her patience with her
while she attempted do
better. He told her then to ask for help in an appropriate way.
To make a longer story short, the
lady returned for counsel two weeks later and didn’t even mention the
problem with her manager. When asked about it, she replied, "Oh,
that. Well, I did what you suggested and it was amazing. She not only
started bringing me the files earlier, but began helping me file
them. Not only that, several times she has invited me to eat with her at
lunch and we have become good friends. She is really a wonderful
person."
The DACA METHOD is effective and
Scriptural:
Don’t DEFEND
Don’t ATTACK
Do CONFESS
Do ASK FOR HELP
It is simple. It works. It can be
used with children, parents, spouses, friends, enemies, neighbors,
employers, anybody. Father has honored it in many lives and it has proved to
be blessed of Him; BUT, YOU MUST PURPOSE TO APPLY IT EVERY DAY. If
you don’t purpose to do it on a continuing basis, it just becomes
another one of those amusing ideas that sounded good when you heard
about it, but you never assimilated and implemented.
Is DACA magic? No.
Automatic? No. Natural? No. It is Supernatural. You must depend on the Spirit of Christ
in you to over come evil with good. Only that which He orchestrates will be to His
glory because He is the ONLY Good in you.
Through prayer and the grace of
God you can find this "conquering by surrender" method
really works. TRY IT. YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY WILL LIKE IT AND SO WILL
YOU.
|
